I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize