I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
