i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We had sex on a dog bed..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
