I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
