Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
