I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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