New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Im part way to drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
