I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
