I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
