It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
