i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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