I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
