just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
