what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
