Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
