I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize