It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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