New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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