You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
