This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
