I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
