haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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