Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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