i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
