I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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