I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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