Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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