So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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