So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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