Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
