then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
