I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
