I think I won the penis lottery.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
