Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
