The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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