New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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