Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
