if i died would you start the facebook group?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize