Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
