Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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