Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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