There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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