I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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