I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
