Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
