It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
