Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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