i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
