The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
