I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
