I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
