DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
