I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize