I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the day after is always just damage control
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
