from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
