Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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