jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
