I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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