I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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