She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
