Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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