you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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