I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You left your phone here
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