Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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