Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
