I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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